


The Taste of    Lager

by thewronglong



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-06 19:44:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14654859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewronglong/pseuds/thewronglong
Summary: Pure SmutSet sometime after Rimmer becomes hard light.Lister is accused of smuggling booze.





	The Taste of    Lager

Lister was doing very well, if he didn't mind saying so himself… he was proud. He hadn't had a drop in over two weeks. Sure, it had taken a rather forceful intervention on the part of his crewmates, especially Rimmer, but he hadn't felt better in ages. Oh, he hadn't gotten that bad, he didn't have more than a bare minimum of withdrawal, it was mostly a psychological dependence. Something to do, really. But the others hadn't seen it that way, especially after that unfortunate Parcheesi incident.

He was much more antsy now, so bored he was even beginning to consider reading a book. Sleeping was much more difficult. He'd spent the first week sneaking over the counter sleep aids, but they didn't do much good, not without a lager to wash them down. The worse part, and the one he didn't dare moan about like his lack of sleep and boredom, was his newly increased libito. 

Lying awake in bed he'd almost always end up thinking about sex. Taking care of things had become more difficult because Rimmer was always there, watching, waiting, trying to catch him with a drink, which made it especially hard for him to sneak a wank.

One night, around 3am, things hit critical mass. Lister tried to ignore it and sleep it off, but his hand kept finding its way back down the front of his shorts. He'd stroke himself for a minute, remember the sleeping hologram beneath him, then abruptly stop, in fear of getting caught. It wasn't going to work though, things were getting painful. He had to do something. 

He would have to go to the bathroom… maybe run the shower. Hopefully his activities wouldn't be too obvious. But first he had to make it across the bunkroom without waking Rimmer. He grabbed his pillow to cover himself, just in case. No, he put it down… that wouldn't do, it would be too obvious. He decided to go with plan B. He put his throbbing problem in the elastic of his waistband, in hope that maybe it wouldn't be noticeable under his shirt if he slumped, even if he did wake Rimmer. 

He threw his legs over the side of he bunk and slid down, as quiet as he could manage. He'd made it to the floor, and began creeping to the bathroom.

“Lights!” Rimmer barked. 

In a panic, Lister tried to bolt to the bathroom, but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

“And where are you sneaking off to in the wee hours of the night m’laddo? Going to have a nip? Need a little drinky-poo? I thought you were better than that… you were doing so well.”

“I'm just off to take a leak, go back to bed.”

“Do you think I'm stupid? What are you hiding under your shirt?”

Lister winced, “nothing.”

“Yes you are, you've got a can of lager in there. You've even spilled some, you great slob.” Rimmer pointed at a wet spot that had formed on the thin cloth of his t-shirt.

“I haven't got anything Rimmer” Lister turned to make his break for the bathroom, but Rimmer was to fast. He made a grab for the can. That he quickly realized wasn't, in fact, a can. His eyes went wide and his face went red. 

“Hey!” Lister yelped.

“Oh, god… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to” Rimmer held his hand against himself as if he had touched a hot kettle. He began to retreat, looking frantically for an exit. Lister could see he was about to bolt.

“Don't panic. 'S alright. You aren't the first bloke to feel me up.” Lister slid into a chair, using a table to hide his condition, which, to his surprise, had only worsened.

“I'm not?” Rimmer squeaked, eyes wide.

“Yeah, but usually we'd have a bit of a snog first.”

“You've kissed another man?”

“Yeah, haven't you?” Lister was trying not to think too hard on the shock that went through him when Arnold had touched him. He was very aware of his response, however. He wanted to feel out the possibilities.

“No” Rimmer answered a little too quickly. Lister flinched. “I mean, I've thought about it… everyone does. It's not like I've had much luck in that department, never had much opportunity.”

“Would you have? If you had the chance?”. Dave looked Arnold up and down, he was dressed in his white skivvies, and had been developing his own problem. He could see the clear outline of his thickening package though his white shorts. 

“Who would want to kiss me? This place isn't exactly teeming with life.”

“There's me.”

“You!! Don't tease me.”. Rimmer pulled up his own chair. “You just want to take the piss. Revenge for me touching you.” He didn't dare look at the scouser, for fear of him laughing in his face. He stared at the table instead. The thought of kissing Dave made his heart race. If only. 

“I'm not takin’ the piss, I swear. I just thought maybe we could just… listen, if you don't want to, just tell me, and this whole thing never happened.”

“Really? You… wouldn't tell the others?” 

“What do you take me for? It's nobody's business, is it?” Lister was more than a little disappointed at the let down.

Rimmer looked up at him. “Very well, then.”

“Wha’?”

“You can kiss me.” He turned to face the shorter man. His eyes were squeezed shut, and his lips puckered, much like a child anticipating a kiss from an elderly aunt. Instead of feeling Lister's lips on his own, he felt a hand brush his cheek. He leaned into the caress, eyes still closed. A tear made its way down his other cheek. When their lips didn't meet as expected he opened his eyes, to see the other man watching him, smiling slightly. He was about to ask what was taking so long, but Lister chose that moment to bridge the distance between their two faces and their lips touched.

The fire that had been burning in Rimmer's ears a moment before moved to his lips, which burned red hot with the touch of Lister's. What he expected to be not much more that a quick mashing of lips had turned into something more, something passionate. No one had ever kissed him like that, like they really, truly, wanted him. He wasn't just being kissed, he was being loved, he was being wanted, desired. 

Lister was practically in his lap now. His fingers buried in holographic hair. The shock he had gotten from Rimmer's touch before was now surging through him. He wanted more… oh, so much more. It wasn't just sheer horniness either. It was more, more than he dared dream, more than he feared Rimmer could accept yet. He had to stop. It was supposed to be just a kiss. He was getting carried away, finally he pulled himself free, much to Rimmer's disappointment.

Rimmer's hair was wild, his lips plump, shiny with their mixed saliva. He looked into the dark eyes watching his. He could almost make out his own dim reflection in the large pupils. “Have you ever,” he licked his lips, “been with a man?”

“Yeah” a soft reponse.

“What's it like?” 

“Well, I suppose it's like having your taste of lager. Some people know right away that they like it, others take a bit of time, but usually you know pretty quick if you're going to want to acquire a taste for it. Then there are people who refuse even a taste cause they can't get past the smell.” 

Rimmer made a face at this last statement.

“Sorry, I got carried away with me analogy.” Lister smiled sheepishly.

“You really want a drink don't you?”

“Actually it's the last thing on my mind right now.”

“What is? On your mind, that is?” Arnold asked nervously.

“Kissing you.” Lister was still sitting close, one leg still draped over Rimmer's. He wanted so bad to get closer. “Again” 

“Come here.” Rimmer grabbed Lister by the hips, pulling him up onto his lap. 

Their kiss was slower, more controlled this time. A soft groan escaped Lister's throat. Rimmer pulled the other man as close as he could get him. He wanted to melt into him so badly. Their erections met, with only two layers of thin cloth between and the feeling too delicious to ignore. 

Lister buried his face into Rimmer's neck nibbling and licking the soft skin. “I want you, Rimmer… Arnold, I mean.” he groaned into his ear. 

“Oh, god, yes”

Lister reached down between them, freeing their cocks from their shorts. When skin touched skin, the feeling was so intense that Rimmer gasped and ground his teeth to keep from cumming right then. Lister held them together between them, rocking his hips, using their precum as lube. Watching Rimmer's long, pink cock rubbing up against his own dark shaft was hypnotizing, but he wanted more. He wanted to taste it, to feel it, inside him.

He got off of Rimmer and let the dazed hologram to his bunk, gently pushing him back to lay him down. He reached up onto his own bunk and dig deep under the mattress until he found what he was looking for, a brown paper bag, crumpled work years of use. He pulled out a stubby purple butt plug and a grey tube of lube. 

Rimmer's eyes became large as saucers. “Is that what I think it is?”

“Don't worry, I got it out for me… unless?”

Rimmer shook his head. “No, uhh, not yet that is.”

“'S okay, love” he squeezed a gob of lube on the tip of the plug.

“Is that the lubricant for the soft serve machine on B deck?” Rimmer sat up.

“Relax, it's all natural, it says so on the tube.If it was going to hurt me it'd’ve happened years ago.” 

Lister gently pushed him back down, and squatted between the two long legs hanging off of the edge of the bunk. He used one hand to slide the plug into himself while the other gripped the base of Rimmer's cock. 

The hologram gasped when he felt soft lips kissing up his shaft, and looked town to see Lister's dark eyes watching him as he kissed up towards the tip. His full lips parted to wrap around the head, moving downward, slowly.

Lister went down as far as he dared, enjoying the texture slide along his tounge, and the pressure of his lover's hardness against the back of his throat. He pushed down farther, just a bit, and began to pump his mouth slowly up and down.

Rimmer wrapped Lister's dreads around his fist, and attempted to buck into the mouth that was wrapped around him. This caused Lister to dig his nails into his thighs, which drove him even more mad with lust.

“Oh, Listy, it's so good… please, you'll make me cum”

Lister could feel the swelling in his mouth, and even though he wanted to feel his bunkmate’s cum spurt against the back of his throat, he wanted more. He slowed down and reached around himself to pump the slick plug in and out. He could feel his own cock jump with the stimulation, and knew it wouldn't be long for himself either. He crawled up onto the bed next to Rimmer.

“I want you in me, if you're game”

Rimmer could only nod. He watched as The smaller man rolled over onto his stomach and stuck his round bum up in the air at him, giving it a playful wiggle. The end of the purple plug shining slick. With a shaking hand he reached for it, pressing it in a bit to see what kind of reaction he got. Lister shivered at this, and gasped whenever Rimmer reached between his legs and began stroking his thick member, heavy with his need. 

When Lister felt tug on the plug that was filling his hole, reached back and slowly freed it himself, and handed Rimmer the small, grey tube.

Rimmer's cock stood out long and straight as he slicked it up. He admired his lover sweet little ass as he began to press against his hole.

“Be gentle, love.” Lister said shakily as he felt himself being penetrated.

Rimmer slid himself slowly inside, easing back and forth slightly until he was about halfway in, letting Lister's tight hole relax around him. He couldn't help himself after a little, and with one long, final thrust, he buried himself up to the hilt. 

“Easy!” Lister squealed into his pillow, trying not to clench with the pleasure and pain.

“Sorry, are you okay? God, you feel so good, though.”

“Just keep still, let me” He took a moment to calm, then another, just to feel the fullness, the utter closeness. Then Lister moved, a little at first, then more when the overwhelming pleasure of the pressure from within began to overtake him.

Rimmer started matching his pace, then when he discovered how he could make Lister groan and squirm, he began to set the pace himself. He grabbed the long locks in front of him and used them to pull Lister up and began kissing and biting his neck and shoulders. He pressed on, trying to get as close to and as deep into the other man as he possibly could. 

Lister knew he couldn't stand it much more. It was so much more intense than he ever could have anticipated. Each thrust promised to be the last. He could feel it in his lover too. He could feel Rimmer's cock swelling, ready. “Arn, I'm gonna…” he gasped, and when he felt the hand wrap around his swollen cock and begin to pump he almost did. 

When Rimmer felt the tightness squeeze around himself he let himself go. He pushed himself in as deep as he could and let loose. 

To Lister it was like nothing he ever felt before. As Rimmer let go into him wave after wave of power surged into his prostate and throughout his body as his own cum spilled onto the bed. 

They lay like that for a minute or two. Neither willing nor able to move. Slowly Rimmer slid out and fell beside Lister on the bed. It wasn't long before the were both asleep.

The next evening the crew gathered for game night. About halfway through the second game of Sorry! Rimmer got up and went to the fridge, and much to everyone’s surprise, retrieved two cans of lager. He gave one to Lister.

“But Mister Rimmer sir” Kryten protested, “didn't you yourself say that Mister Lister was banned from drinking because if what he did to the…”

“It's fine, Kryten, I thin he's learned his lesson.”. Rimmer opened his own can.

“Since when did you start drinking, beer?” Cat asked.

“Actually, I've acquired quite a taste for it.”

Lister smiled at him from behind his can.


End file.
